what a week.....

I just don’t even know where to begin. So I was in this terrible relationship. I was carrying all the weight for us financially so I said its time to go.
So that is what I did and not only did I move out but it led me to move to another state! I was too smart to be in that situation and with that person. I don’t mind paying for things sometimes or helping out but I want to know I am being taken care of. I was the only one with a salaried job, with benefits, standing on my own two feet, and had a checking account!!!!
I know those things sound silly to most but I am closer to 30 than 20 and I don’t want to be with someone who can’t take care of themselves. Does that make sense?
I have a couple of guy friends…..and that is what they are friends. It’s fun but it makes me think of what I want out of a relationship a lot and that I want one. I ask them to events if it says ask a guest, bring a friend, etc.
There is one guy who I just don’t get at all……he was given an opportunity to step it up and passed on it and now I am getting the cold shoulder. You know what it’s not too late. But if you continue in silence how will I know?! How will I know why you are upset with me?
I like to go out and that is all I have right now. I don’t have watching TV on the couch or in bed, reading, getting coffee, going to hear a band, go to a museum, etc with someone. Sometimes I do those things but alone and sometimes it just is not that fun alone. I know what they say when you can learn to do things by yourself you are ready to be with someone…yeah well that is all I seem to do is be in my own company so whoever said that quote can jump off a cliff. Ha.
All I have right now is whoever has the nerve to call me up and ask me to do something and it gets me out of my house.
Mostly right now I sit home. Occasionally I get lucky and from Fri to Sun I am gone.
Fortunately for me when I go to LA in Nov for the holidays…. no one will ask me……where is your boyfriend? Do you have one? Are you dating anyone? First off they know better than to go there….and they are not the type to rush me into anything.
So I can tell you right now the marriage or baby question isn’t even an option. Ha. My sister just had one and he keeps everyone occupied right now! He is the topic of discussion and no longer my sister and me.
I want someone who will call me….not everyday…..but pick up the phone and say hello, how are you, how was your final?! Send me a text, emails saying how are you doing or I miss you. I want to feel special, missed, liked/loved, etc. I don’t want to be part time and if you’re too busy for me then let me go or don’t start something to begin with.
I like my space too so I don’t have to spend everyday or every second with you but to blow me off sometimes on weekends is not cool.
I look at my past record track and realize I was not picky enough. I fell into traps or put myself with people that should never even be allowed to happen but I don’t regret it because now I know exactly what I don’t want.
What I do want is someone smart…..preferably college (after all I went), no Masters or PhD required, job with pay and benefits (I can make more or you can that does not matter), someone with a dream/goal/passion, I love the arts…so they either have to enjoy it too or at least accompany me. I go to a lot of plays, operas, concerts, art shows, etc. I love to dance, write, read and draw.
My fantasy is to travel I guess. I want to be happy, be loved and cared for. I don’t think it is much to ask.
I guess I am torn right now. I have this one person who I think could provide such things for me but unless they start letting me know….i am not going to keep waiting. I am young but too old to sit and wait and wait and wait.
Looks are important to an extent. I mean you could put a toned guy in front of me and then he could begin to talk to me and be the biggest idiot, have bad teeth, or have nothing important to say and I will think he is the most unattractive guy ever. For me how you appear at first is important but what you do or say next determines it all.
So for now I remain single and just taking each day as it comes because eventually I think life will work out and the guy I am supposed to be with will eventually get the nerve to talk to me J
I have had many dates, many short term relationships and about 3-4 that were over a year. But they don’t mean anything at this point. It isn’t the number of relationships you have had or lack of them it is the one really good one that matters most.
So that is what I will wait an eternity for then. J