today

So I woke up somehow......on time.....i passed out....according to my aunt on my bed on top of the pillows and comforter horizontally. When she went to put joujou in bed with me she had to pick me up and turn me around and put the covers over me. She said the whole time i didnt even flinch. WOW.........and to think I wasnt even on anything. Ha.
So I guess that was a sign that I was going to be sick today.......well not there yet but I might as well be.
The smart decision for tonight will be bubble bath, tv and read.....may pass on the red wine tonight...it is not reallly sounding to good to my stomach.
Most of my movies have either been stolen, borrowed, etc so I am slowly replenshing them. I love Garden State and found it for 7.00 at target yest so I will probably watch that. My friend Jason and I share a passion for that movie and when I called him the other week he told me to watch it again it would make me feel better.
I hate always dumping stuff on him but he listens to me ever so well.
It is hard to get a hold of him sometimes....he works out in the Gulf of Mexico. We have been friends since the 9th grade.
Today at lunch my lack of a social/love life was the topic....per se.
I think i have come to the conclusion that I am single and unless some things change I will not attend John's house for Christmas and he is not my boyfriend. How can we be dating if we have actually never had a date?!
Part of my problem too is I am holding back......Why is it that we always want what we cant have?!

John is fun and I like to hang out with him but I think our interests are diff. I dont mind staying home or going to his house but sometimes I like to do things and I dont think he truly enjoys them. I dont think he would see an ad for an event and say hey lets go or would you like to go?
There are all these issues and until they get sorted out........I think I am going to just not call him anymore. I dont deserve to keep getting hurt. A friend should not continuously hurt me and I should not have to keep telling them repeatedly that what they are doing hurts.

A lot of these feelings have to do with someone else.......this person does not know I exist well okay that is a little extreme....they dont know I like them.....and for now that is okay. But I think I have more in common with this other person.....similar interests, etc. I am attracted to this person on many levels. However, I dont think the feeling is mutual. There is an obstacle or two also that could prevent this.....so maybe its the want what I cant have?! I dont know.

I dont know...I am supposed to go to a fundraiser next Saturday the 13th and I need a date. I mean do I just keep asking the one guy who I know will go or try someone different?

Maybe I will just take the tables advice and call him once in awhile so maybe he will get the hint.
I dont care....I have a football game tomorrow to watch!!!! I have my purple haze in the fridge and cooking gumbo or jambalaya in the morning to have it ready for game time:)